Doubt
by Irrelevancy
Summary: WHAT AM I TO YOU JAMES POTTER! TELL ME JAMES, TELL ME!" "...I think you're beautiful Lily. Beautiful beyond my wildest dreams..." James/Lily. Sirius hilarioty at end


**A/N: This is the first fic I've written for this pairing~~**

**James/Lily**

**Despite my non-obsession-to-the-point-of-animosity to het couples, these two are amongst my favorite~~**

**So enjoy!!!**

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"JAMES POTTER, YOU BLITHERING IDIOT!" Lily screamed, pounding her fists into her boyfriend's chest. The entire common room turned in surprise, and the redhead could see Sirius tensing up in case he had to jump in to save his best mate's life. But she couldn't care less. She had just caught him with another girl, and he smiled. He god damn _smiled_. She didn't care anymore. Didn't care about anything, but James Potter. "WHAT AM I TO YOU?! AM I JUST ANOTHER TROPHY FOR YOUR CASE?! AM I JUST ANOTHER GIRL YOU AND SIRIUS TRIES TO GET AS A CHALLENGE?! ARE YOU JUST GOING TO THROW ME ASIDE NOW THAT I LET YOU DATE ME?! WHAT AM I TO YOU, JAMES POTTER?! TELL ME JAMES, TELL ME!"

There was silence as emerald met with hazel, and found that they were dull. Cool. Emotionless. A wave of numbness washed over the redhead as she stood up from her position, sitting on James's chest. She turned, cold, to walk back to her dorm, only to pause when a familiar voice, but in agonizing - foreign from the regular haughtiness - tones.

"You're beautiful. So beautiful, Lily, so god damned _beautiful_. Beautiful beyond words… Beautiful beyond anything, anyone… Beautiful beyond my wildest dreams. Your hair, your eyes, your lips, your _nose_… So beautiful Lily. So beautiful…"

Lily was accustomed to James's raving speeches about her, and had planned on walking away when she heard his first words. But the way he said it... his painful whisper made her stop in her tracks.

"So beautiful that… that I'm so afraid of going to sleep at night… So _afraid_ that – that this is all a dream. That I'm going to wake up, and find that this is all a dream." Bitter self-mock filled James's timbre as he shoved long lithe fingers through his ruffled tresses, pushing it on end even more. Lily was surprised - and scared - to find that he sounded close to tears. "You – you agreed to come to Hogsmede with me yesterday…! You agreed to come with _me_! Me! James Potter! Me… And… And when I screwed everything up, I thought- thought that it was the end of the world. Nothing could be worse. I lost my chance. I lost my only chance..."

Lily turned around slowly, eyes wide with surprise. She met with the Seeker's eyes once again, and found that they were filled with pain enough to rival the bitterness she felt. His Adam's apple bobbed as he took a breath, then choked on it when he tried to speak.

"I thought I had lost you," he whispered, exhaling shakily. His eyes closed. Lily was surprised to find herself realizing that this was the first time James had ever willingly broken eye contact with her. The thought was scaring her.

"Or so I've thought," he continued. Lily wanted to tell him to stop. Stop talking in that agonized, unsure tone that was anyone _but_ James Potter. But she found that she couldn't. That her voice got stuck in her throat, and she could only listen to her boyfriend go on. "But- but you said- you said you were coming to say that you forgive me…! You've come to tell me that it was alright…! That you forgive me!" Painful laughter rose from the Seeker's throat as he tore his fingers through his hair again. "I was so, _so_ happy. So happy, beyond words! I could only smile! And you! You getting jealous! I- I was… so happy. Ecstatic…"

James's agonized laughter faded until he was shaking silently, self-spite and acrimony fill in his eyes. His exhale was the only sound in the room besides Lily's heart pounding loudly, unsteadily.

"But here I go again. Screwing everything up again." His expression promptly turned blank once more as he looked up into Lily's eyes. What he found there made him wince and grind his teeth tightly, eyes still filled with remorse and panic. "I-… I don't-… I never know what I'm doing around you, Lily. I can never be- be suave, charming, because they never seem to work on you! I never know what to do for you, Lily! I… Lily… I'm so afraid. I'm so, so very afraid that you – beautiful, wonderful _you_ – would just- just disappear. Like a dream. Like a beautiful illusion. A mirage… I'm so afraid, Lily, that one day… that one day, you would just… just go… _poof_…"

A pin dropping could be heard in the silence of the Gryffindor common room right then, as James stared at a spot on the floor, wearing an expression of hatred and self-mocking laughter, and Lily just gazed at the Seeker. When James finally looked up, all the worry and sadness there turned into panic and outright alarm.

"Lily! Lily I- I didn't- I didn't mean to- Oh Merlin, don't- don't cry! Lily, I didn't-"

He never got far with his apology, for Lily threw himself onto him in an embrace and kissed him firmly on the lips in front of all the Gryffindors to see. The awkward silence turned into a shocked one at the redhead's sudden movement, which dissolved into laughter when Lily finally pulled away, revealing the shocked, disheveled expression on James's face. Lily hugged him tight again, and it took a few seconds of yelps and catcalls for James to realize what was going on, and likewise wrap his arms around his girlfriend, burying his face in her soft red hair, savoring the moment.

"James...!" she sobbed. "James! I am so sorry... I didn't realize... I just thought... Thought you didn't care for me anymore... And I was so... so frightened! I didn't know what I was going to do without you! Sirius said that you were gone late at night and tha- that Holly...! I didn't know James! I didn't know! I am so sorry!"

The Seeker pulled away, confusion evident on his face. "Padfoot said what? Gone during the night? I wasn't-" Realization dawned, and his shoulders dropped, and his hand started inching towards his pocket. Slowly, he stood. Stood, and likewise turned to face his best friend, who had an "innocent" grin (which had "I did it" written all over it), wide on his handsome complexion.

"Sirius." It was a simple statement. His name. But that moment, Sirius felt it was the scariest thing he had ever heard. "Explain."

"Look mate, I was just trying to he-"

"Explain, Sirius...!"

Maybe it was James's slight reversion to his normal tones, or the pressure of all eyes on him, but Sirius exploded. "Alright! Look, Prongs! I'm your best mate. I could tell how you feel! I know how insecure you are! And Merlins, even _Moony _was getting tired of your obsession! _How do I look Padfoot? How do I look Moony?_" He imitated a high-pitched voice that sounded nothing like the Seeker. "_Do you think I look good in red? Do you think Lily will think black is too dull? _YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE MATE! THE ROBES ARE BLACK,REMEMBER?! _Do you think my hair's too messy? Do you think my glasses are crooked? Do you think my HEAD'S TOO BIG?!?_"

Color flooded James's cheeks when everyone burst out laughing. His fists clenched tightly at his sides as he started shaking in rage and embarrassment.

"SIRIUS ORION BLACK!" he roared, and that instant, Sirius knew he had crossed whatever thin line James had established between the two. He slowly backed up as the Seeker advanced forward.

"Moony, please prepare my coffin and make sure I'm buried nowhere near the Black resident. Wormtail, you're in charge of the tombstone. Evans, I leave my funeral speech in your hands," he muttered, eyes wide and wary on his best mate's crazed expression. Then, without a warning, he bolted passed Remus through the portrait hole.

"OH YOU BETTER RUN, PADFOOT!" James yelled, taking off after him. "RUN FAR AND FAST BEFORE I REACH YOU!"

--

Two hours later, James and Sirius clambered through the portrait hole. More like staggered and then fell through, in the latter's case, both looking incredibly messy and disheveled, Sirius (impossibly) handsomely so. Remus was scared to find a demented feel in those dark eyes, something akin to the one he would adopt in Azkaban a couple of decades later on.

"Padfoot?" the lycanthrope said carefully. "Are you...alright?"

Said animagus only stared blankly at him; mouth gaped open, and then gesticulated a bit at the stairs to the dorms. Next, without a word, he limped in the same direction, that same shocked, slightly frightened expression undoubtedly still on his face.

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**A/N: So...?**

**What d'ja think?**

**Eeeeeeeh...**

**It's kinda random, I know**

**and probably really crappy and OOC on James's part**

**...but I figured**

**by the way Sirius and Remus said James was**

**He'd probably lose all control he has with Lily**

**So yup**

***huffs***

**Review?**


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